Random thoughts

I feel so flustered and out of sink lately. I wonder if its alllllll that's going on in life or just my lack of true focus on anything right now. I need to make a constant reminder for myself everyday that I will and can be HAPPY! I am not alone... although honestly it feels like it. It feels like I am at a standstill at this moment in my life, not really digressing... but not progressing either. A still moment in my life is what I call it, I really would like to be working on things that make me happy and that I truly enjoy. So here I sit with my mind running wild of all the possibility's that lay before me. I am young, anything I could want or need are right here around me. Now that  being said,  a list of things I truly want right now is what I have decided to create. I will list the most honest and truest request I often find myself always thinking about. I will also make sure this list is something I can easily pursue or accomplish. I mean I cant sit here and say "Meet Chris Hemsworth and MARRY him" .....not possible ....or is it. ; ) haha you get my point.
HERE GOES!!!



1. Finish Eat, Pray, Love

2. Loose weight by being HEALTHY
3.Talk to that certain boy who catches my eye! 
4.Build Stronger relationships with those close to me 
5.Save MONEY!!!! 
6.Try new things..Food, Music, Activities, Books, Movies, etc...
7.Live each day knowing things truly do happen for a reason. 

I think that is a strong enough list at this point, I feel good about the things on here. Something I can work on everyday. I just need to take more chances...be BRAVE. Strike while I still have the time as my mom would put it. Truly live life, that's my ultimate goal at this point. After having such a harsh break up I feel re-born again in a sense, being exposed to a hole new life....a single life. No one to hold me back, hurt me, make me worry, make me cry, make me second guess myself.  Its just me...

and I'm learning to be perfectly okay with that. 

:)    

What a day, had work from the crack of dawn this morning till just about 5pm. I am beat but not tired enough to skip my blog. There are some things I am digging at this moment and I thought I would blog about it...why not! :)


First is this new fragrance from Coach called Poppy Flower, smells AMAZING!!!

Second is going to my gym!!! I love it!! Such a stress reliever. I feel a SOOOOO much better after I spend an hour or so at the gym.

Third is my obsession for The Office, I love the relationship between Jim and Pam, and who can honestly say that don't want a boss like Micheal Scott.

Fourth! Going out with my friends and having a good time! It's been a long time since I have been single and its nice to just go out and enjoy the night.

more to come I promise!!!!

...It's been a while

.....How do I even begin, it feels like I have been to HELL and back. I finally fully recovered from surgery on my stomach although the scars don't fully go away I am happy to say that I no longer have that agonizing pain in my stomach anymore. WOOOOO! Now its just a different pain, after being with my boyfriend for 9 years we finally called it quits. I have no words to fully describe how hurt I am by the break up and as much as I wish I could say it was mutual.... it wasn't he unfortunately broke my heart in a million pieces. I wanted to take a break from life, literally shut down...but I cant I have to pick up whats left of me and keep moving on. It sucks EVERY SINGLE DAY....and I still have faith that the perfect person is out there for me It just wasn't him as much as I wanted it to be. I stopped blogging and stop using the popular social networks to prevent seeing stuff about him or having people question me about it. I did however want to write this blog, I kept a "Break Up" journal for myself it helped me vent alllll the things I really wanted to say but never wanted to get in touch with him about. Its kinda like those drunk txts that you send or those drunk phone calls you make that you wish someone would have grabbed that phone and said STOP!!!! I feel a huge weight lift from me after I write it alll down its like therapy without having to spend the money and then a light bulb went off and I said to myself MY BLOG!!! I totally stopped doing this verrrry thing I am writing in a book about. So now I am back blogging about my broken heart and how someone really heals after TRULY GOING THREW ONE OF THOSE LIFE DEFINING BREAK UPS, the first love, the first boyfriend the first everything is what he wast to me. The man I thought I would spend my WHOLE entire life with. Nine long years spent with this man, built me into the person I am today unfortunately butttt I have learned a lot from that relationship and I can honestly say its a day by day process but I am working on it, and happy to have a place to write all this stuff down. So if you do follow my blog bare with me its going to be a bumpy road. That being said I do believe things happen for a reason and this is just one test in the many I will run into in life and I am ready to tackle this head on!!! I hope you guys will come on this journey with me I still love make up and clothing and everything in between just a little broken right now but I will be fixed again I know it.


sincerely,

OPTIMISTIC. <3